Caligula: Godzilla trashes ancient Rome

 

Ah, Caligula.  In recent times, historians have been revisiting the life and times of this controversial Roman emperor, trying to make some sort of narrative that might help rehabilitate his tarnished image.  Honestly, I cannot conceive of a universe wherein this would be possible.

If the picture on the right is anything close to reality, then this guy isn't really a looker.  

When I was about 13, Masterpiece Theater ran a series starring Derek Jacobi called "I Claudius."  It was based on a duology about the life of Claudius, sort of a grandson to emperor Augustus.  When it came to depicting the life of Caligula, well, let's just say it was less than complimentary.

you just gotta check this one out.

Did you watch it? Are you laughing uproariously? Me too.

 Alright.  Let the bloody carnival begin....

In terms of actual primary sources about this psycho’s reign, there are few. We have Suetonius, for sure.  There is also Josephus.  Both depict Gaius as an enraged, brutal, vulgarian. But, was he? Well, the dilemma about this guy, for historians of ancient imperial Rome, is whether or not the aforementioned sources are anything close to accurate, or a deliberate (and perhaps malicious) distortion of the facts.  Perhaps the truth lies in an orbit around the planet Neptune.  From what I’ve been able to understand about this mad man, he wasn’t misunderstood at all, and any rehabilitation of his life and “legacy” is a questionable action by modern scholars.  At any rate, until I see new irrefutable sources, I'm gonna follow my own instincts, and accept traditional interpretations of "Little Gaius."

Caligula was the son of Germanicus (a celebrated general) and Agrippina the Elder.  As the emperor Tiberius neared the end of his life, he appointed Caligula his heir, along with his grandson.  Upon the emperor's' death, young Gaius ascended, and the young grandson shunted to the side.  I guess you know what happened to that poor kid, Dear Reader.

Caligula was 25, and the year was 12 CE.

Suetonius has something interesting to say regarding the death of Tiberius:

        Some think that Gaius gave him a slow and wasting poison; others that during convalescence from an attack of fever food was refused him when he asked for it. Some say that a pillow was thrown    upon his face, when he came to and asked for a ring which had been taken from him during a fainting  p399 fit. Seneca writes that conscious ofapproaching end, he took off the ring, as if to give it to someone, but held fast to it for a time; then he put it back on his finger, and clenching his left hand, lay for a long time motionless; suddenly he called for his attendants, and on receiving no response, got up; but his strength failed him and he fell dead near the couch.

                                                                Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Tiberius

Upon taking the center seat, Caligula seemed quite promising.  Indeed, the people of Rome rejoiced to have a son by the noble Germanicus as emperor.  Among other things, Caligula set to erasing some of the wrongs done during the reign of Tiberius, such as pardoning those who had been erroneously arrested for treason, malicious comments about the emperor, and flying to the moon.  Apparently, there was little or no truth in any of these charges.  He also indulged in staging games in the city's arena, which greatly pleased the populace.

The new young emperor wasn't a GQ cover boy, by all reports.  Here's what Suetonius writes about Gaius' physical traits:

Height: tall.

Complexion: pallid.

Body: hairy and badly built.

Neck: thin.

Legs: spindling.

Eyes and temples: hollow.

Forehead: broad and forbidding.

Scalp: almost hairless, especially on the top.

https://facultystaff.richmond.edu/~wstevens/history331texts/caligula.html

In October of the same year he took the throne, Caligula apparently became seriously ill.  Some called it brain fever, but no contemporary doctor was able to give a definitive diagnosis.  What historians tell us, is that Caligula entered into a coma, where he lingered on the edge of death for many days.  In 2021, Jesus David Chary Sanchez, et al, proposed several viable explanations for Caligula's condition:  Encephalitis, lead poisoning, Neurosyphilis, and Epilepsy.  This last disease may be the likeliest candidate, but we'll never really know.  Here's what the authors say about the 'symptoms' of epilepsy, which may indeed be consistent with descriptions of the new emperor's sickness:

It has been suggested that members of the Julius family suffered from epilepsy. Additionally, several historians point out that, during his childhood, Caligula had episodes of sudden falls in which he lost consciousness and had difficulty remaining upright.  Analyzed from a modern perspective, these episodes may indicate atonic seizures....After this episode, he showed constant mood swings with irascibility or unmotivated laughter, lack of impulse control, perverse behaviors, hypersexuality, and sadism, and was terrified by thunder and loud noises. Caligula also suffered from severe insomnia and could not sleep more than three hours per night. Furthermore, he experienced delusions of grandeur, paranoid episodes, and strange behaviors, such as when he ordered his troops to collect seashells from the shore    

                                                            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9231447/

Yeah, that’s right:  seashells.

Unfortunately for Rome, he survived.  Records indicate, that Caligula's behavior changed radically in the aftermath of his coma.  He became capricious, blood thirsty, and cruel.  So much so, that people began to think him a madman.  What follows are some of the rumors that circulated about his conduct:

Mr. Ed, a.k.a. Incitatus:

No, you're not hallucinating, that is a horse at the dinner table.

“Urban” legends first, Dear Reader.  Let us take Incitatus first.  Did Caligula house a famous and victorious chariot horse in a golden stable (according to Suetonius), and feed him food mixed with gold?  Well, yes, as far as we can tell from existing sources.  A favorite story about Incitatus, is that Caligula made it a Consul of Rome--one of the highest magistracies in the Roman state.  Was this true? To tell you the truth, we don't know:  it could be a derogatory rumor distributed by later historians Suetonius, and Cassius Dio.  For example, the former wrote:  

            …it is also reported that he designated [Incitatus] to the consulship. 

Whereas Dio stated:

        he even promised to designate [Incitatus] consul. And he would most certainly have         done this, if he had lived longer.

Honestly, that's pretty much what we know, yet it sure makes a good story. 

Note:  I must warn you about Suetonius:  most classicists refer to him as a gossip monger, rather than a reliable historian reinterpreting the past.  But, I'm not sure that I entirely agree with this:  I think that there is a grain of truth hidden amidst the sand.  As always, you should come to your own conclusions, Dear Reader.

Another tale about Caligula, is that he committed incest with all of his sisters, perhaps even treating his favorite sister, Julia Drucilla as his wife.

About Drucilla;

In 33, Drusilla was married to Lucius Cassius Longinus, who was a friend of Tiberius--the successor to Augustus.  It is not established that the couple had any children.^[a] After becoming emperor in 37, Gaius (Caligula) ordered Julia Drucilla to divorce Longinus, and marry his chum Marcus Aemilius Lepidus.  This was a fairly common practice--using and breeding women like sheep in a herd.  Quite simply (although they might have plenty to say about it), aristocratic Roman women went where they were sent by the men in their families.

Classicists are fairly content with the notion that brother and sister were extremely close--they were often seen in public being affectionate with one another, and Caligula gave Drucilla honors one might give to a wife or lover.  However there is no irrefutable evidence suggesting an incestuous relationship.

We have a series of known instances where Caligula clearly favored Drucilla above his other sisters, and other women.  For example, at royal banquets, as the emperor was a bachelor, it was customary for his sisters to help preside over meals.  Each sister would take turns on different days:  this was an established custom.  I cannot stress too much the importance Romans placed on social traditions.  Caligula did away with this practice, however, and instead had Drucilla host his banquets everyday.

I know what you may be thinking:  so effing what? All I can say, is that its' interesting, perhaps even suggestive.

Here another interesting fact:  when writing his will, Caligula made Drucilla his heir.  To name a woman thus was extremely rare.

And, that's about all we have in the 'reliable' historical record.

Rumors of incest were boldly stated by Suetonius, some 28 years after Caligula's death:

        It is believed, that he deflowered one of them, Drusilla, before he had assumed the robe of manhood; and was even caught in her embraces by his grandmother Antonia

                                                                                    Suetonius, Caligula, 24.

Suetonius also alleges that Caligula had sex with all his sisters. But, the quote I've given you here is pretty much it.  Emphasis on the phrase 'pretty much.' As to the truth? My previous comment stands.

Frankly, Dear Reader, there are many, many stories about Caligula's reign of terror, but which ones are true or false, who the hell knows? However, even these stories may indicate something of his altered character, in the wake of his coma.  What historians mostly agree upon, is that his public behavior became erratic, even frightening after his illness.  Was this an illness-driven psychosis? We cannot know for sure, particularly at this late date.  I'm going to recommend this documentary--it's rather good, I think--but then anything with Mary Beard (or Lucy Worsley, for that matter) is excellent:

Notable Aspects of  'Little Bootsie's' Absolutism, umm Despotism, uh Reign of Terror:

One of the best things Gaius did during his pillaging, was to make governmental expenditures public--the first time it had been done in many years.  

But, Little Gaius did a few cool things for the Romans:  he expanded the rolls of the Senatorial and Equestrian orders;   he dispensed with a few taxes;  he built some stuff;  he also reopened the process of public elections on certain offices.  This last is a big deal, Dear Reader, as allowing for any public elections, was not necessarily good for the despot running the government.

To return to his building projects, he actually did sanction considerable repairs to various cities like Syracuse, and Rome's Palantine Hill. 

'As the World Turns....':  so did Lil' Gaius' idyll with his capital city. 

However, these actions were offset by a reckless generosity towards the city's populace, charioteers, horses, dogs, cats, fleas, mites....But, as we well know, Dear Reader money is not infinite.  Soon enough, the government's coffers were nearly empty--in less that a few years, Caligula spent 2+ billion sesterces on games, public feasts, a couple of building projects, and personal whims.  Really, the most polite way to refer to this was just a good old fashioned spending spree.

By the way, Dear Reader, 1 sesterces was most likely worth $1.50 a la 2021. 

It should also not surprise you, that Gaius went through the money Tiberius left like crap through a goose.

When does a tyrant (little reference to the Greek use of the term) become a monster?.  Whatever the process, Gaius certainly evolved into one after his 'illness,' whatever the hell it was.  So, what did our little emperor do? Taxes, more taxes, and still more taxes.  He levied taxation on public lawsuits;  weddings (?????);  prostitutes (????????????).  Anyone who'd left anything to emperor Tiberius in their wills, were instead directed to pay it to Little Boots.  Soldiers returning home from the latest fashionable slaughter, were required to turn over everything they'd raped and pillaged on campaign to wee darling Gaius.

He also said to have auctioned off the lives of specific gladiators at public games.

In my personal opinion (because you just know I'm gonna share it),  this last action is especially telling, and horrific.

After the money was gone, the empire was plunged into financial crisis.  This was followed by famine throughout the Roman state.  No one knows, nor was it ever officially recorded how many died, but it certainly became characteristic of things under Gaius' control.  

While Gaius' building program did indeed improve some cities and ports, he was equally bent on expensive constructions purely for his own pleasure.  Archaeologists working for Mussolini uncovered massive shipwrecks at the bottom of Lake Nemi in 1930.  

The dimensions of these ships were incredible:  67m x 19m and 71m x 24m/  Pretty large, eh? They took up almost the entire lake! These were meant (I suppose) to be actual temples to Diana.  

 In 39 CE, the rift between Caligula and the Roman senate resembled the Grand Canyon.  This feud was probably due to a number of reasons:  during the reign of Tiberius, Senators got used to ruling on their own, while the emperor was busy fondling children during his island idyll.  Additionally, the government increasingly became a target of deadly persecutions by little Gaius, and his minions.

It was around or about this time, that Gaius became the subject of numerous assassination plots.  One of the earlier 'plots' concerned Cornelius Lentulus Gaitullicus, Governor of Upper Germania.  Lentulus was accused of something (exactly what conclusions differ) that Caligula thought nefarious.  The governor was executed after Gaius' arrival in the province.  His brother-in-law Lepidus, along with sisters Agrippina the Younger and Livilla, were accused of participating in still another plot, although details of the conspiracy remain ambiguous, but it included conspiracy charges, as well as accusations alleging Lepidus' adultery with both sisters.  Lepidus was executed, and Gaius' sisters were sent into exile.  

What a family man.

Well, not precisely, no.

There were other plots, other conspiracies--perhaps not as many as there were for Hitler, but enough.  But, which one was finally successful?  Moreover, why was he killed? Well, no one knows, for sure, beyond the fact that he was a murderous schmuck.. If we're to trust (even a little) Suetonius, Tacitus, Cassius Dio, and Robert Graves, Gaius had murdered too many people and made too many enemies:  assassination was inevitable. 

Yes, I know that's Lady Justice at the Orange (or, is that instead Tangerine?) Jesus' feet.  Just pretend that she is in fact a Roman emperor.  : )

How was it done? Let us follow Suetonius' lurid account, wherein he wrote that Caligula was murdered (justifiably?) ca. January 24, 41 CE, in Rome.     

On 24 January then, just past midday, Gaius, seated in the Theatre, could not make up his mind whether to adjourn for lunch; he still felt a little queasy after too heavy a banquet on the previous night. However, his friends persuaded him to come out with them, along a covered walk; and there he found some boys of noble family who had been summoned from Asia, rehearsing the Trojan war-dance. He stopped to watch and encourage them, and would have taken them back to the Theatre and held the performance at once, had their principal not complained of a cold. Two different versions of what followed are current. Some say that Chaerea came up behind Gaius as he stood talking to the boys and, with a cry of 'Take this!' gave him a deep sword-wound in the neck, whereupon Cornelius Sabinus, the other colonel, stabbed him in the breast. The other version makes Sabinus tell certain centurions implicated in the plot to clear away the crowd and then ask Gaius for the day's watchword. He is said to have replied: 'Jupiter', whereupon Chaerea, from his rear, yelled: 'So be it!' - and split his jawbone as he turned his head. Gaius lay writhing on the ground. 'I am still alive!' he shouted; but word went round: 'Strike again!' and he succumbed to1 thirty further wounds, including sword-thrusts through the genitals. His bearers rushed to help him, using their litter-poles; and soon his German bodyguard appeared, killing several of the assassins and a few innocent senators into the bargain.

https://facultystaff.richmond.edu/~wstevens/history331texts/caligula.htm

ouch.

And that was sorta that.  It's reported by the few sources we have, that the city quickly plunged into chaos with news of the assassination.  The Praetorian guard went on a citywide rampage, especially in the imperial palace:  they knew they were gonna be out of a job if the Senate reestablished the Republic.  The guard had been specifically created to guard the emperor and his immediate family (well, mostly).  With no 'royals', no Praetorian guard.  

Legend has it, that while romping through the palace, guards found Caligula's Uncle Claudius hiding behind a curtain.  After he'd been yanked out of his hiding place, guards are said to have immediately declared him be Caesar--perhaps because they were afraid of being sent back to the front lines (uh, sentence of death anyone?).

And, thus was the end of Little Gaius.

In the centuries following his death, the reputation of Caligula has continued to deteriorate, until recently of course. A wasted effort? You judge, Dear Reader.

For next week, as we head into the holiday season, I'll write about something less depressing!

Promise.