"Duck and Cover" folks! Sure we're gonna be alright, no problem! How about the Cuban Missile Crisis? BOOM.

 

I know...tits that kill, right?  And yet, this was kind of the fashion for bras in the 1950s--also the design copied the shape of a missile head.  Oh, my.

You're not gonna believe this, but atomic bomb culture was EVERYWHERE during the 1950s, and early 1960s.  Still trust that I'm telling you the truth?  Ah ha!! Well take a look at this, Dear Reader:

Uh, let's take a moment...shall we?

In the words of the immortal Keanu Reeves, "whoa."

'Explosives for building and learning...umm, I have nothing to say to that.

I know what you may be thinking...but I'm afraid that this was an actual toy.  Pretty sicko, right?

Wait.  I have some more....

Oh my, what safe fun for the whole family!

OK, I think that's enough to illustrate my point, right? And yeah, these were actually real honest-to-God toys, folks.  No s*&t.  

This was the cultural atmosphere that influenced Americans in the mid 1950s.  These products and images were intentionally meant to lull the public as to the actual danger of the atomic bomb, and then the hydrogen bomb.  I mean, holy moly Batman.  Talk about a real life horror movie.  By 1960, atomic weapons were meant to demonstrate American 'might', versus the Soviet.  Our atomic tests needed to be more fearsome and powerful, than the Comrades of the East.  How many Pacific islands can we blow up into smithereens, guys? Who gives a sh*t about the Bikini Islands?

Sigh.  

And thus we arrive at the late 50s, early 60s, bringing us inevitably to the catastrophic horror of October, 1962.

Now, we need to take a romp through some events that led up to the Cuban Missile Crisis, alright?

We could discuss, for example, some of the neato plans of the Eisenhower administration, ultimately culminating in a CIA plan to invade Cuba.  We could also talk about the, uh, interesting decision of the US (and NATO) to put Jupiter missile installations in both Turkey and Italy.

Ummm...

The best way to wrap your head around this period in world history, is probably to shake your head, and thank the gods that you either survived it, or weren't born yet.

The crisis itself involved a series of steps and miss-steps that seem incredibly stupid, yet also stupidly lucky, when viewed via hindsight.  So, what was it? Well, let's try and boil it down a wee bit:  It was October, 1962, and the Soviet Union (Russia) and the U.S. nearly 'came to blows' over the presence of ICBMs (including short range missiles) in Cuba.  90 miles off our shores. 

I suppose that the Kennedy (and Eisenhower) boys conveniently forgot about their missiles in Italy and Turkey, that were already pointed at the USSR.  Turn about's fair play, right?  Well, not quite.  Consider having a veritable arsenal of nuclear toys at the behest of a dude like Fidel Castro, who I think I'm fair ?in characterizing as a little less than balanced? It's a little like having a guy like Don Trump with his finger on the veritable button....

See? Everyone gets lambasted in my blog, Dear Reader.

Let's return.  So:  October, 1962.  A 'routine' U2 (American) flight over Cuba took some damning images:

Oopsie, busted.

The photos revealed several SS-4 missiles on the island.  OK, so what.  What the F*&k was an SS-4 whatever?  Such weapons were classified as thermonuclear devices, with a warhead capable of delivering 2.3 megatons.

Buh-bye.

Seriously, folks living in Seattle were gonna be alright, but everyone else was f(*ked.  Alright, I can see why Kennedy et al got a little freaked out.  And it wasn't just one little bomb, but dozens upon dozens, all controlled by a nice balanced gentleman like Fidel Castro...  Also, according to recently released official Russian and Cuban records, Kruschev and the Presidium dispatched nearly 40,000 soldiers to build and maintain the missile silos.  

You can imagine that the CIA and Defense Dept. boys were wetting their pants.  It was Monday, Oct. 15th, 1962.  Yeah, Kennedy was a little upset with Kruschev (conveniently forgetting NATO's missiles on Russia's doorstep).  Although the president kept up with his regular schedule, certain key advisors and their staffers of the National Security Council were called into a secret meeting.  Today, this group is referred to as "Excomm."  What in the hell were they going to do?  Talk about a Gordian Knot.  How were they going to keep this knowledge from both the press and American people? Again, not an easy proposition.  

On Thursday (18th) JFK met with Russian foreign minister Andrie Gromyko, warning him again, about the American attitude toward any nuclear weapons in Cuba.  Simply:  none.  Remember, that this was two days after the existence of bombs on Cuba were firmly established.  Gromyko denied the existence of any such Soviet weapons on the island.  Oopsie:  I guess that poor bastard was left out of the loop on that one.

On that same day, some bright lightbulbs over at the Pentagon decided to conduct a test involving a hydrogen bomb, with a 1.5 megaton yield.  Whoops, my bad!

Friday, October 18th, President Kennedy attends a meeting with his top advisors regarding possible military options.  And, as if the situation could get any worse, more bombs were discovered on the island.  

Also, on this day, would you believe:

Let's get some perspective here.

Yet another nuclear bomb test.

I know, I know.  It looks like a 98 pound weakling compared to the first shot.

Sunday, October 21st:  Kennedy and EXcomm decide on a naval blockade of Cuba.  Now, why this strategy? Except, they used the term "quarantine."  The difference? A blockade can be construed by the opponent as an act of war, while there is some 'wiggle room' with the latter.

By Monday, October 22nd, Kennedy went on television to tell us about his super plan.  He also sets the defensive forces at a state of DEFCON 3.  Okay, so what the hell is DEFCON?  "Defensive Condition:  the lower you go, the closer you get to thermonuclear war.

And, now Russia gets equally stupid:  they test a hydrogen bomb.

F(*k.

On Tuesday, October 23rd, the Organization of American States officially supports the American blockade (shit, I meant quarantine) of Cuba.  Additionally, our planes discover that the Russian toys are ready for action.  Kennedy and his boys discuss possible diplomatic 'solutions' to the existing problem.

Wednesday, October 24th:  Many of the voyaging Russian ships reach American's 'quarantine' line.  Miraculously, Kruschev's government ordered the vessels to halt, but not to turn around.  During a meeting of the Executive Committee, Kennedy finally decides against an invasion of Cuba.  He thought that such an action would be enough provocation for Castro to launch the missiles.

October, 25th, Thursday.  Adlai Stevenson (American ambassador to the United Nations) shows the Security Committee of said organization blow up photos of missile installations in Cuba, much to the consternation of the Soviet ambassador, who kind of maintains radio silence.  American forces are set at DEFCON 2.  Folks, never before had we declared this stage of defensive readiness.  Gulp.

Friday.  Kennedy's committee final gets a communication from Soviet premier Kruschev.  In this letter, Nikita says that his government would remove their missiles, if Kennedy won't invade Cuba.  

The CIA helpfully told the president, that Cuban/Russian forces appear to have sped up their installation of the bombs.

That night, Bobby Kennedy met with Russian ambassador, Dobrynin, where he floats the idea of American removal of its' Jupiter missiles in Turkey, if Russia would get rid of the explosive Cuban problem.  Such a notion is attractive to Khruschev and his boys.  

Fidel-baby sends Nikita a love-gram, telling him that Russia ought to launch its' bombs against America in the wake of their invasion of Cuba.  

Uh...would you buy another bomb test?  No.  Really.  American hydrogen bomb goes "BOOM".

Oh f*ck me.  Can you just smell the testostarone?

Saturday, Oct. 27th, a U-2 veers off course, and ends up encroaching on Russian airspace.  Another one is shot down while flying over Cuba

Un-be-f*cking-leivable.

By Sunday Oct. 28th, crisis averted. How? I dunno. And yet, Khruschev said in a radio address that Russian bombs on the island would be dismantled, and essentially softens his approach to the problem of US offensive missiles in Turkey (rumor has it that America promised the removal of the weapons after 6 mos).

And, astonishment, bewilderment, horror:  Russia conducted another bomb test.  Nope, I have nothing cryptic or sarcastic to say.

Monday, Oct 29th.  Kennedy relaxes the blockade, and keeps up the low altitude surveillance flights.  It's effectively over.

Of course there were things to clean up in the aftermath.  Of course, both sides claimed a huge foreign policy victory.  

I'm flummoxed.

So, what can we conclude from this whole debacle? Again, I'm stumped.  When you study the context of this tumultuous period, its' impossible to reach definitive conclusions.  However, if you try to 'boil it down,' I'd have to point to one recurrent theme:  how stupid was it for both sides to conduct near daily nuclear bomb tests?  I mean WTF?????

In all frankness, I'd have to say that the world was damn lucky, and no one side could honestly claim victory--whatever that was.  How did events get to that particular boiling point? Could we say that this was Kennedy's finest hour? Well, he didn't end up ordering the invasion of Cuba.  And, Khruschev did write his letter formally requesting the 'exchange' removal of missile sites, perhaps greatly reducing tensions between the two countries.

Roughly 13 days of terror.  13 days of idiocy.  13 days of unnecessary near conflicts.  

Next week:  Operation Mongoose.  Oh dear, talk about idiocy.