Penelope’s Loom

Hey, Dear Reader, did you ever watch the original "Miami Vice" with Don Johnson? It was a show about vice cops in Miami (obviously), and was one of the more popular shows in the 80s and 90s.  The reason I mention it, is because this show had some really cool, stylish drug lords. Queen Victoria, Prince Albert, and every f&*king prime minister who served Great Britain between the 1830s and the 1890s were drug lords. Which places ole Vicki in a sticky position, historically speaking. But, I suppose lots of world leaders feel they're above common law.  They must belong to the super-terrestrial twilight with other narcissists.  One characteristic that these people share, however, is typically xenophobia.  In other words:  WE'RE THE GREATEST;  THE MOST PURE; THE MOST GODLY.  Any resistance from 'inferior beings' must be crushed, because we (i.e. TOTAL XENOPHOBES)  English know what's best. UMMM.  Cough.  Gagging reflex.  Wait, is this...

 I'm taking a break from Victoria, this week, to write about one of history's lesser brains, Mary of Scotland.  Her story needs a book, Dear Reader, so I'm gonna try and provide you with the bare bones.  Here we go---. She was born on the 9th of December, 1542 in Linlithgow, Scotland.  Her mother was the now-infamous Marie de Guise, who became regent upon her husband's death.  Mary was only six days old.  In 1548, she was engaged to the Dauphin of France, and was sent there to be brought up--ostensibly in safety. In France, Mary gained a reputation for various 'feminine accomplishments' (i.e. singing, dancing, embroidery), and was also a reputed beauty.  She was certainly tall:  being almost six feet in height.  I know, right? Believe me this was unusual for the time, where the average height was around 5'7".  She was also a reputed beauty.  Was she? I don't know.  What do you think, Dear Reader? Mary and the Dauphin Francis ma...

 Did you know that Queen Victoria was 5' 1 1/4" tall?  It just goes to show you that, in the end, height means nothing.   She ruled England for over 63 years.  Victoria, in her time, had many roles:  queen, wife, mother (if you could call her that), and the (wait for it) 'Empress of India'--her "Jewel in the Crown." Telling Victoria's story is kinda hard for historians, because her youngest daughter Beatrice, after her mom's death, was named curator of Vicki's personal records.  She sure 'curated' the f*&k out of those intimate records, that might have given historians true insight (if there is such a thing) into Victoria's mind.  Do you know what Beatrice did with any journals or letters she thought were too, well, intimate ? Revealing? I hope Beatrice is having a good time in historian H E double hockey sticks right now. So, what's her story? Is even possible to know Victoria's (and Albert's) story?  Well now, I don...